Don’t Have Sex Behind the Kitchen Counter

Pornucate understands the appeal of reality porn but cannot stand watching it. As we wait for porn storytelling that serves to help men in some fashion, we’ll offer commentary on silly porn scenes and explain why it doesn’t work. In this edition, Danny D eats out his mother-in-law behind a kitchen counter, and his wife doesn’t notice it.

No homo, and I cannot stress no homo enough, but Danny D has to be a revelation for porn viewers that love fantasy hyper visuals. With his tall, lean, and wiry body, his dick legit looks like some sort of attachment way too big to fit his frame. It’s the kind of dick Affect3D.com would make because that shit is bonkers.

Plus he’s white. You’d be surprised how many PornHub commenters find accomplishment and satisfaction in not every big dick belonging to black men. There is a war on penis size that none of us are safe from.

This is all to say that Brazzers fans don’t give two shits about how silly a scene is when Danny’s third leg is doing the fucking. Nor should they. Despite that, and to play off the words of a wonderful YouTuber, no reality porn scene is without sin. Fucking your mother-in-law right in front of your wife as if she wouldn’t notice is some straight dumb shit.


amber jayne brazzers
Amber Jayne wants some dick, even if it’s from her son-in-law. But Danny D isn’t fucking her behind a kitchen counter and getting away with it.

There is a history of guys opting to fuck their mother-in-laws at the smallest sign of temptation. Nothing about that is in question here. Dudes are going to dude and there is no reason to expect otherwise.

If your girlfriend, fiancee, or wife is smoking hot (and not based on you find her hot standards, but universally considered hot by every male and female), odds are her mom is fairly attractive. And depending on her age, she may be attractive enough that you want to insert your anatomy in her. It’s a normal urge. Not a moral urge, mind you, but it’s understandable.

And if my future mother-in-law (pending) looked like Amber Jayne, I would probably have a thought or two about boning as well. But even the power of my boner wouldn’t compel me to fuck her while my wife is in the next room. And I certainly wouldn’t be so drunk on lust that I assume we couldn’t be seen exchanging oral sex behind the kitchen counter.

I don’t know how you think this works, but if you eat out some chick from behind while she is bent over a counter, people are going to notice. We’re going to see your head buried in her ass, or hear her moaning, or just sense that something weird is going on. You’re not going to be able to hide while your tongue is trapped in her vag. Amber Jayne’s ass isn’t that big, dude.

If you get caught fucking someone, even with a large piece of interior infrastructure in front of you, then you’re simply caught. End of story. You’re not going to continue as if everything is good. Upon the sight of someone walking in on the act, one of you will stop. It’s human nature.

Here’s some obvious advice: why don’t you take your mother-in-law somewhere else in the house and get in a quickie. Don’t bank on your wife being on the phone for 20 minutes, and don’t whip your dick out in an open area. Or better yet, don’t fuck your mother-in-law. Even Brazzers is self-aware of that, it’s in the title.

But again, that’s not what we’re questioning. We all know having sex with your mother-in-law is a poor decision. The scene even ends in the wife finding out and exhibiting small levels of rage (well, as much rage as a porn actress can express). I can only assume she slit Danny’s throat in the middle of the night during a post-scene credit.

And for the record, Danny D and Amber Jayne not covering up the evidence of their misdeed makes all the sense in the world. Danny released a pretty huge load on Amber, and as we all know, massive amounts of cum deplete us of our power, energy, and logic. I once didn’t orgasm for over a month. When I finally did I thought my legs were going to give out. I laid in my bed for nearly half an hour just staring at the ceiling while the Falcons’ game played in the background.

But actually bumping mouths to privates and getting away with it is dumb a fuck. I mean, the poetic symbolism of Danny D having some pussy to eat in the kitchen is lit as fuck, but that doesn’t make it any less stupid. That’s not how it works.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s