Brazzers on men and sex robots

The Scene: Life Assistant Doll on Brazzers

The Plot: Danny and his wife could use some help around the house, so he jumps at the chance to buy a Brazzers Life Assistant Doll. Alicia’s got long blonde hair and big fake tits, and every time he asks her to complete a boring chore she suggests they fuck instead.

Netflix has a documentary about sex robots. Any time you’re in need of a film uncovering sexuality around the world, Netflix has you covered. It’s what they are good for outside of original Marvel series.

I always knew about RealDoll. The “world’s finest love doll” is both off-putting and sincerely remarkable for the same reason: amount of artistry put into creating one. The fact there are men having sex with realistic looking dolls is hard to wrap the brain around, but displays a truth about men that we try to hide: men want sex, and we prefer to use a minimum amount of effort to get it.

That is what powers escorting, the chance to have the feeling of companionship as long as a man has the cash. That is also what is increasing the interest in sex robots. Why pay hundreds of dollars for each appointment with an escort when thousands of dollars can put a companion in your home long-term?

If men could have sex dolls at an affordable price, we would all buy one. Considering we already have porn and masturbators, why would we not be interested in a life-like doll with big tits, a vagina, and the ability to respond? It’s just the evolution of men finding more advanced ways to get their rocks off.

Alicia Amira from Brazzers

Danny D decides to buy a Brazzers Life Assistant Doll in response to him and his wife needing more help around the house. Immediate red flag. Danny is not interested in getting more help around the house. He is interested in getting more pussy around the house.

What other reason would he have for purchasing the equivalent of a “RealRobot”? Take one look at that thing and you know it is only meant to serve one purpose. It’s hotter than any administrative assistant you can dig up with a Craigslist ad.

And you know Danny did his research beforehand. We don’t buy anything these days without looking it up online first. He did a Google search, read some reviews on a couple of forums, looked at a few pictures, and decided “yep, I’m definitely fucking this.” That entire sequence happened in less than five minutes.

As soon as that thing was taken out the box, Danny’s wife should have channeled her inner Triple H and took a sledgehammer to it. But of course she didn’t. If she did, we wouldn’t be able to see Danny and his baby leg have sex with Alicia Amira, and that would be such a waste.

And what trigger allows the Brazzers Life Assistant Doll to turn down chores in exchange for sexual favors? It’s one thing if the owner requests a blowjob, but to be disobedient goes against the second of The Three Laws of Robotics. This is exactly what I, Robot warned us about.

But it’s not like Danny is going to call tech support or report a malfunction with the product. We’re not concerned about a robot getting unruly if its version of “unruly” is jizz assistance. That’s just extra service we don’t need the manufacturers knowing about.

How would that phone call even go? Danny would say something like “Good afternoon. I wanted to report a recent issue I have seen with the Brazzers Life Assistant Doll.” And the tech support guy, let’s call him Gomez, would be like “What is the issue you would like to report, sir?” And Danny would be like, “Every time I ask it to arrange the dishes, it tells me to insert my penis in its ass.”

Gomez would be like “Sir, you did notice what the Brazzers Life Assistant Doll looks like, right?”

Why else would it know Danny’s sexual preferences? Wait, back up, I might have just skipped a few thoughts. Why would the manufacturer’s even implant that knowledge?

We already saw this in Ex Machina. Oscar Isaac programed a female humanoid robot to match the physical properties Domhnall Gleeson finds attractive by collecting data on Gleeson’s Google searches. Which is pretty fucked up when you think about.

So what isn’t being said is that the Brazzers Life Assistant Doll was created with Danny’s search preferences on Brazzers in mind. So that means Danny, who just wanted help around the house, went to his favorite porn site to get it.

Christ on a bike, there is zero effort to not be transparent. The doll isn’t being disobedient. Doing chores isn’t a part of its programming.

And that’s the point. This is not an Amazon purchase gone wrong. This is a clear example of how we will find any reason to buy a sex robot if we have the money and the option to do so.

Porn already makes it look as if sex comes easy no matter what scenario we’re in. This is just a crazy look into a future where getting sex is as easy as it can possibly get. Men want big-breasted sex robots that we can control, and this is just the visual manifestation of that fantasy.

Bravo Brazzers, you took an absurd story and used it to tell a dark truth about us men. One problem: none of us have a dick like Danny D. We cannot fault you for choosing one of your more popular actors. But as soon as that five pound link of sausage flops out, we are reminded that we are just bystanders to the action.

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