The 2017 All-Whooty Team

The NBA All-Star Game was yesterday. I actually wrote this post two days before. I can’t tell you what happened during the game or Saturday’s festivities. Sorry.

What really matters is the 2017 All-Whooty Team. A starting five and seven reserves of white pornstars and adult models with asses so amazing you might cry. That’s why we used to call it onion booty. I missed the site Onion Booty. It was ahead of its time.

If you are uncertain what a whooty is, it’s basic algebra: White girl + Booty (multiplied by variable x) = Whooty. Or, in more layman’s terms:

A white girl who has a pretty face, a nice slim waist, and a voluptuously large, bountiful, beautiful booty!

That’s a lot of adjectives to describe booty. Whooty was rare back in the 90’s. Curves weren’t really a thing, especially on white women. To see a white girl with a lot of ass was genuinely the equivalent of seeing a unicorn.

A shift began in the mid-2000’s, and the asses seem to get bigger with each passing year. Whooty isn’t the norm, but it’s a lot more common. So much so that I could create a team and make a few cuts along the way.

As with any list we do, there are rules just to eliminate any confusion. A girl was eligible to make the list just as long as she fit the following criteria:

  • She must be white.
  • She must have a booty.
  • She did notable work in 2016.

From there, the choices came down to my personal tastes. So if you want to argue my picks, feel free. But don’t argue the process (or be a dick about my picks as if this stuff really matters).

It’s all about keeping up with the times. Even Carmelo Anthony wasn’t voted into this year’s All-Star Game. At least not until Kevin Love got injured.

I did try to replicate a true NBA All-Star Team. There are six backcourt (two starters) and six frontcourt (three starters) choices. And as you can guess, the bubble butts are in the backcourt while booty big enough to cause an earthquake is in the frontcourt.

Before getting to the choices, let me explain why a few girls didn’t make the cut:

  • Bunny De La Cruz: Not enough spots to show the BBWs some love. Sorry.
  • Alexis Texas: I gave the “respect” vote to someone else. Sorry.
  • Phoenix Marie: Too many MILFs in the frontcourt. Sorry.
  • Lela Star: She may be on performance enhancers.

Backcourt Starters: Kelsi Monroe and Harley Jade

kelsi monroe harley jade
With their bubble butts and athletic physiques, Kelsi Monroe (left) and Harley Jade (right) were easy choices to start in the backcourt.

Kelsi Monroe takes dick while doing splits. She was an easy choice. When you have the chance to choose a girl with actual athletic ability for a team mimicking a professional sport, you take that chance.

Harley Jade might have the closest thing to a perfect ass since Jada Stevens. It makes for great riding and POV scenes. I’m not one to encourage watching porn (oddly), but now might be a good time to open a new tab for a quick search.

Backcourt Reserves: Candice Dare, AJ Applegate, Jada Stevens, Lola Foxx. Dare and Applegate were obvious choices. Stevens gets in more so out of respect, comparable to the NBA’s Paul Millsap. There is always at least one surprise choice for an All-Star team, and ours is Foxx. She might not have the biggest butt, but it’s still a thing of beauty.

Frontcourt Starters: Virgo Peridot, Carrie (Cosmid), and Ryan Conner

virgo peridot
Sporting one of the biggest asses in porn and fitting the true definition of a PAWG, Virgo Peridot was a slam dunk for the All-Whooty team.

Virgo Peridot was the first and most obvious choice for the team. Consider her the captain. Anytime you discuss terms like “Whooty” or “PAWG”, Virgo Peridot has to be one of the first names that come to mind.

The other two choices offer some versatility, matching the state of the frontcourt in today’s NBA. Carrie may not be well-known, but her Cosmid pictorials suggest she may have one of the biggest asses around. Ryan Conner is like Kobe Bryant being voted a starter last year. Let’s just pay homage to her whooty greatness.

carrie cosmid ryan conner
Amateur Carrie from Cosmid (left) and MILF pornstar Ryan Conner (right) finish the frontcourt with some massive booty.

Frontcourt Reserves: Mia Sweetheart, Ryan Smiles, and Alena Croft. I insisted on having a BBW or plumper in the mix, thus Sweetheart. Smiles wasn’t very active, but she made her moments count. Between Croft and Phoenix Marie (two very similar pornstars), I felt Croft had the bigger ass.

Who makes your 2017 All-Whooty Team? Let me know in the comments below.

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