Dads hypnotize their daughters on Daughter Swap

Daughter Swap is exactly how it sounds. And it sounds really fucked up. The site’s front page even admits this: “This is the most shocking, fucked-up reality series you will ever see.” So their words, not mine.

In this scene, Emma Hix and Katya Rodriguez are getting ready for their dates, but their fathers are concerned after reminiscing on the kind of men they were around that age. So to show the girls how to avoid guys like them, they force the girls to fuck guys like them. And by “guys like them” I mean them, the two fathers. Yup.

Follow along on PornHub to watch the clip. It’s NSFW. But if you didn’t know that, then maybe you should find something else to read.

daughter swap

Why do I hear “Fucking Young” from Tyler, The Creator in the background? But seriously, HOLY SHIT, HOW YOUNG ARE THESE GIRLS SUPPOSED TO BE? I’m already scared. I feel like the girl on the right knows her day is about to take a dark turn.

And what curfew are these girls whining about? It’s broad fuckin’ daylight outside.

Sidenote: The preceding conversation between the two dads about the merits of buying a championship in sports was well done. Very American. That’s the type of worthless debating I would expect from today’s sports fan. Two middle-aged men were having the same argument at Rose Crown Tavern during the NBA Finals.

daughter swap

I’m not a dad. But I feel safe in saying this. If my friend eyeballed my daughter, and had the nerve to admit he was checking out her ass, I’m clearing the room and we’re engaging in Mortal Kombat.

Father A should’ve stood up, punched Father B dead in the nose, and whatever happens from there just happens. But instead he follows up with “they grow up so fast.” He might as well be saying “our little girls become fuckable so quickly” considering how much he’s taking this in stride.

daughter swap
“If they’re going to learn, they need to learn from their dads, right?

Um, what?! What exactly are we planning to teach these girls? This is where shit gets confusing, as if it weren’t already.

So they don’t want the girls to get hurt? Got it. But I also know this is supposed to end in sex between the two dads and the daughters because porn is always going to porn.

So are they going to teach the girls how to avoid shitty dudes by talking about their past transgressions? You know, learning from history. Or are they going to teach the girls how to avoid shitty dudes by being even shittier dudes?

daughter swap

You saw a thing on hypnotism? Word? Father B is full of bad ideas.

Not only is their mission confusing, but their method manages to be even more nonsensical. Wouldn’t a sit-down and some stern conversation suffice? No dicks required.

And sure, you could say the plan is to implant ideas into the girls’ minds to persuade them to find good men. But one, that seems like a bit much as I wasn’t aware this was a crisis situation for the two fathers. And two, you need to Google “inception” not “hypnotism.”

Also, I’m disappointed their Google search didn’t lead to the Get Out method. Waving something in someone’s face is so pre-2017. Tea cups are the new thing.

daughter swap
“What does that have to do with anything?”

One girl laughs at the site of a swinging pendant. The other asks questions. Welp, at least we officially know who the bright one is in this duo.

daughter swap

This bullshit works.

daughter swap

First off, thank goodness Father A remembered to switch places. Secondly, this was NOT a part of the plan they discussed. Father B continues to have bad ideas and now he’s going rogue.

Clearly he’s taking the “help them avoid shitty dudes by being shittier” route, but jeez isn’t dick-touching skipping a few chapters in the textbook? And besides, he’s already hard. Consider the lesson over.

And this doesn’t teach the girls anything other than how to get the fathers off. The idea was to prevent them from getting hurt. Instead, we’re turning them into masters of sex against their will. That’s rapist.

daughter swap

Yeah, I’m still watching this foolishness. So real talk: at some point they are going to tilt their heads up and get a glimpse of their daughters getting boned, right? And if they stare for more than two seconds, that has to be indicative of an even bigger problem than the one we’re already seeing.

I guess this is what I’m trying to understand: who does this appeal to? Granted, filmed sex is filmed sex. But when someone takes the time to create a story and asks the performers to play out the dialogue, there has to be an audience in mind.

Aside from it being so fucked up you’re compelled to at least left-click, similar to Crash TV, who has been wanting to see this fantasy played out? I was ready to bail 44 seconds into the scene.

daughter swap
“We’re going to be late for our dates!”

If you thought that look of horror was due to the realization that something remarkably fucked up just happened, you would be wrong. They just don’t want to miss their date with those two boys in social studies class.

Speaking of, IT’S DAYLIGHT! At worst it is the latter part of the afternoon in the middle of summer. So it’s a lunch date. Why are you dressed like that for a lunch date? Don’t forget to wipe the cum off your faces.

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