Every scene in True Anal is the same: a model does far too many minutes of anal while a lot of lube is used. The real excitement comes from the banter the cameraman has with the models. I watched scenes featuring Mona Azur, Violet Starr, Tommie King, and Savannah Bond. Here are 10 lessons learned from them and True Anal … before the anal actually started.

1. Anal sex is a mix of pain and pleasure

Anal looks like it hurts. I just imagine something, anything, entering my butt and I don’t like the feeling my brain creates. I also understand that some people (men and women) enjoy butt-related play. So it was nice to hear Mona Azur confirm that anal is “the perfect amount of pleasure and pain.”

But a keyword there is “perfect.” Mona mentions that she “likes the sensation of pain and pleasure” and that she might, might, like it better than vaginal sex. So even though it hurts, it’s a hurt that she enjoys. Kind of like how I enjoy the soreness and pain that comes after an effective workout. Well, maybe not the same thing. Nothing is going up my butt in those workout sessions.

2. Anal sex is like another dimension and feels like a drug

Violet Starr seems like a fun person to talk to. While Mona describes anal sex in very practical terms, Violet describes anal sex like it’s an out of body experience across universes. Violet also reminds us that anal sex is really dirty and nasty, because as Violet puts it, it is sex in her “little shithole.” Now I get nervous when a pornstar moans “oh shit” during sex.

3. It’s difficult to spit on your nipples

I’m guessing it’s not easy to do this—especially after watching these models try to spit on their nipples and rub them for the camera.

Mona did well on her first attempt, but the second attempt was weak. The spit sputtered into different directions. Similarly, Violet nailed her first attempt only to miss the next two. Tommie was the worst of the bunch, only making one of her FIVE attempts.

All in all, three women were 3-for-10 on nipple-spitting attempts. If they were field goal kickers in the NFL, they would be released from their contracts. Though, Tommie was like Justin Tucker when spitting on the cameraman’s penis. That saliva went right down the middle.

4. True Anal models have to take a lot of direction

We may think being a pornstar is an easy job. Just have sex on camera and get your money! Not so fast. Every documentary I’ve seen suggests otherwise, and one portion of Mona Azur’s scene confirms as much.

Mona has to take a lot of direction on how to pose her ass for the camera. The cameraman gives her a number of directives on how to position herself so he can get the shots the viewers (probably) want. Here is everything the cameraman told Mona to do, and I quote:

• “Turn around with your ass towards me”
• “Peel those panties down, nice and sexy”
• “Arch that booty out there”
• “Reach back and spread that ass for me”
• “Bring your hips straight for me”
• “Make your butthole wink for me”
• “Let go of your cheeks for sec, and stand up straight”
• “Heels together and bend your knees just a little”
• “Push your hips forward; I want to see that crease”

Nine sequences in less than a minute of a half, and Mona is expected to try and quickly follow each one. In parts, this sounds like the police doing a cavity search, a football coach trying to correct a player’s form, and a creep that is really into butthole-winking and creases. Though, I do love a good ol’ crease shot from True Anal.

5. It’s hard to wear a bathing suit if you have a bush

Again, Violet Starr seems like a lot of fun. She’s also rocking a vintage Playboy bush—which I kinda dig. Problem is it’s hard for her to put on a bathing suit without her hair peeking around the corner.

According to Violet, her bush is “always climbing out” and it makes her “feel like Chewbacca.” C’mon, it’s not THAT much hair, but point taken. She also doesn’t like when men pull on it. Petting it is nice, “Like a hamster.” I guess we’re no longer using kitty as a euphemism?

6. Tommie King cums hardest from the piledriver position

I see the word “piledriver” and I think about The Undertaker planting an opponent right on his head. And then I wonder how that person is still alive and functioning.

The piledriver sex position doesn’t (and shouldn’t) involve dropping anyone on their head. It does involve flexibility and endurance. It’s a very intense position, and according to the Bad Girls Bible, it “is great if you like to have anal sex while also having your vagina stimulated.” Naturally, it would make its way to True Anal. And if you happen to share a scene with Tommie King, you know what to do.

7. Tommie King also has a passion for blowjobs

I don’t know that she is passionate about blowjobs, but she offers a rather deep and intimate description of what she likes about blowjobs. In her own words, quote:

I love getting my throat used like a pussy. I love holding my breath, testing my limits, getting really, really messy. I cannot control the amount of drool that comes out of me. That’s a lot.

Yea, that is a lot. Tommie King is an intense woman. You’d think the cameraman would immediately transition to a blowjob, but he instead has her remove her top.

8. Men find Savannah Bond intimidating

We haven’t heard much of or from Savannah Bond in this post. She doesn’t get deep into why she likes anal, or her favorite positions, or adventures in grooming. She does discuss how men find her very intimidating.

This makes perfect sense. Wildly attractive women make some men nervous as it is. Combine the fact that Savannah is a pornstar—which men will interpret as being a “professional sex person that only expects the greatest of sex”—and men would likely find her outright intimidating.

A shame, because the cameraman insists that she’s a very nice person. And while we tend to stereotype women with her appearance as any adjective other than “pleasant,” she could very well be an absolute sweetheart to be around. The cameraman then describes her as a “sex goddess” and as being “too much to handle.” Instantly, the intimidation comes rushing back in.

9. You must have a long tongue or big tits to lick your nipples

Savannah doesn’t have the time or desire to spit on her nipples. Good for her. I’m not even sure what’s so hot about dropping saliva onto areolas. You know what’s hotter? Covering nipples in saliva by licking them straight up. Plus, it’s far more efficient.

The cameraman asks if Savannah has a long tongue. She says she doesn’t, but it doesn’t matter because her tits are huge. I didn’t get a chance to eyeball-measure the length of her tongue, but I can confirm her tits are very big. It makes me realize that a girl licking her own tits is a difficult art that should be appreciated more.

10. Not all asses are made for anal

Savannah’s butt is genuinely amaze-balls, and the cameraman offers her and it a lot of praise. He describes her butt as “pristine” and says she “has an ass worthy of worship.” Wow! He pretty much called her ass perfect, flawless, and a figure worth bowing down to.

And he might be right. I mean, just look at it! But then he says Savannah Bond “has a perfect butt made for anal.” This brings up a question: are there butts NOT made for anal? Also, what about Savannah’s butt makes it perfect for this particular sex act? I’m sure there are a lot of factors involved, including the size, roundness, and amount of jiggle Savannah’s butt has. But I would love a more scientific breakdown from the good folks at True Anal.